We talk About Autism.

…or all the work a child does at therapy amounts to very little. A very real barrier for families is getting late diagnoses for their grownups when all the professional focus and time are on the kiddo.

My child picked up from therapy just to return to me, a burned out and probably undiagnosed grownup, was no good.

Autism is hereditary, or “tends to run in families.” ADHD, or Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder, definitely is hereditary and common with people who have autism. (Read or watch anything by Dr. Russell A. Barkley)

It is incredibly hard for parents to first get help for their kiddos when battling through doctors brushing off concerns. It’s even more difficult for grownups to get help and tested themselves.

I had reduced my hours at work drastically and was driving Jeanne (and soon Maeve) to therapy three times per week. During the three-hour appointments, I’d rush to the nearest library to cram as much work as possible in or run for groceries. Sometimes I’d work in a quick nap in the car. But I was always. ALWAYS thinking of my kids and reading articles and books, filling out paperwork, or listening to a book on autism as I fell asleep.

I was burned out. Any small thing triggered me. I had a short temper and beat myself up when I lost my temper and while trying to keep my temper in check.

I was exhausted trying to learn about our new life as fast as possible and coordinating therapy schedules around daycare schedules while trying to work to pay for it all.

I was undiagnosed enduring and poorly coping with ADHD with a heavy mix of anxiety and debilitating lupus symptoms.

I began therapy to figure out our new life, for clarity, and for what I labeled as depression and exhaustion.

It took me a year to walk out of therapy with an ADHD diagnosis I continue to learn about. A year during which I saw myself or my younger self in every article or book I was reading for our family.

Early memories flooded while I read articles. What I thought of as “things I struggled with but others didn’t,” now made sense…

AND a weight lifted from my shoulders replaced with exhausted relief and feeling understood.

The more I learn how to take care of myself, the more I learn to focus on what truly matters in life, the more life has improved. I had to intentionally quit trying to live how other “normal” families live and continue to learn how to focus more on how our family lives best. I am better able to parent with more intention, grace, perspective and love and am improving in giving grace to myself.

Standard practice after diagnosing a child for anything should include to then provide information to the parent to consider for their own testing as well as support and options for the child. If we care for the grownups too, the kiddos will be more successful too.