We talk About Autism.

Why babysitters are hard to find for children with autism.

Jeanne rode away from home on her bike. We had hired two babysitters for this very scenario. One babysitter stayed with the younger two of our three kids while the other babysitter tailed Jeanne. The babysitters also called their mom who got in her car to help find and stay with Jeanne.

This is not the babysitter’s fault. There were many factors working against the babysitters who were trying their very best. Also, they did a great job handling this situation and kept Jeanne safe.

These babysitters live next door. I am so grateful their whole family, our entire neighborhood, cares for and looks out for our babies. They literally dropped absolutely everything, during a workday, to help in this emergency.

A few factors as to why babysitters are hard to find for children with autism:

1. We have three kids. It’s hard to find a babysitter for three children whether they are on the spectrum or not!
2. Two of our children have autism. That means all three children require a different parenting style and have different needs. How can someone without certified training stand a chance handling three styles in one home?
3. Helping a child through a meltdown can be intense and intimidating… but then, add on the fact there are two additional children in the home who are reacting to whomever is in the middle of a meltdown or is eloping. An intense and possibly traumatic situation.

Our babies have high needs.

In January 2024 (Jeanne was already 6) we found the one. I put out a call at Maeve’s therapy facility for anyone who was interested in babysitting our kiddos. We were searching for someone who KNEW what we needed and was TRAINED in what we needed.

Why did it take 6 years to find someone with education and training specifically with autism?

It took this long because we are still learning about the autism community, our resources, and how best to help our kids. It took this long because our family did not have therapy in a larger center until last year. It takes time to build relationships with a child’s therapist and then more time as a parent to figure out that WE CAN ask for help from these now trusted therapists. And longer to learn that therapists do provide respite care out side of their “day job.”

We wanted someone who knew our kids very well. Not someone hired off of a job posting.

Granger and I did not have many dates and rarely spent time away alone together for any significant amount of time since Jeanne was born. That’s 6 years.

I had anxiety and fear if we left our kiddos for more than an hour. Even if my rockstar mom was watching them, even if we had two babysitters, even if another babysitter had family experience with autism and an advanced early education degree.

Would my kiddos be triggered to extreme behavior? Would a meltdown experience turn away our babysitters? We could not keep our eyes and ears off our phones waiting for that emergency phone call to rush back.

Yes, some of that fear and anxiety are issues I personally need to work on, BUT the danger was and is very real.

We have an amazing and supportive family and had babysitter options, AND now we have someone with whom my brain and anxiety can relax with. A caregiver that allows my brain the space to connect with my husband in our relationship separate from our parental hats.

What we learned the hard way:

1. Ask if your therapists are interested in babysitting/providing respite care.
2. and/or ask if your therapists can recommend someone.
3. and ask your County Representative administering the Wisconsin’s Children’s Long Term Support Program for respite care options.