We talk About Autism.

Both our girls have autism. Each expresses their love differently. Jeanne does not like a lot of physical touch unless she initiates it.

I give Jeanne a lot of high fives, arm pats, backrubs, quick touches. Jeanne will occasionally cuddle in my legs if she is exhausted. She prefers if we sit next to her.

I had forgotten what a hug from Jeanne felt like.

Jeanne gets silly with her body before bed time. She likes to make faces in the bathroom mirror, especially with a full mouth of toothpaste. We stay positive and redirect her while asking about her day and talk about our favorite parts of the day.

At the bottom of the stairs Jeanne jumped on me the other night. Full on, two arms around me and I wrapped my arms around her in a slow bear hug.

It shocked me. I think it shocked her too. I had been missing this hug affection with Jeanne without knowing it.

Jeanne let go and walked into her room, I followed to complete the bedtime tuck-in dance. Jeanne turned around and rushed back for another full-on hug. Oh, I soaked that in.

Maeve and Axel are free-wheeling with hugs. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about hugging Axel or Maeve in front of Jeanne and what that may mean to her. Or maybe it doesn’t register with her?

Moments like that hug slam me back into place, into focus, into resolve, into my best parenting, into being the best advocate for my kids. Back into asking for more Jeanne hugs.